Save the Dates

Last week, BK and I sent out the majority of our save the dates. Now, it didn't take us long to decide on wording (which was straightforward, giving the date and place of the wedding, and asking people to save the date). The picture took a bit longer to pick out, because there was a classier picture we could have used (we stayed at the fancy hotel when we went to Mackinac island, and had to dress for dinner), as well as a more "fun" picture (we rented a tandem bike). In the end, we settled for a more generic picture of the two of us, taken when we stopped to walk up a million stairs to look out at the water (I'll ask BK if I can post pictures here, as I'm not censoring pictures so that I'm standing next to someone with a blurred out face), which also had plenty of room in the background that allowed us to write on the picture itself (the "fun" picture did not. I'd already made a possible save the date with, and it looked great, albeit a little too classy for an informal wedding).

Once we'd sized and spaced everything, we got magnet paper and printed them out, along with labels of our address. While BK cut out the magnets (paper-cutter), I put the return address labels onto envelopes, and put the magnets into them. We also had the TV on, to reduce the sweatshop vibe.

Then it was a matter of printing out labels with everyone's addresses (and waiting for all the addresses to come in), sealing the envelopes (we got the envelopes that already had the sticky adhesive, and we just pulled of strip that keeps the adhesive from sticking to everything), and going to the post office to mail them (it cuts the delivery time by a day, and I wanted to weigh them to make sure that I'd buy the correct postage). As far as I know, people have recieved them, and we're just waiting for some stragglers to send us their adresses so that we can send them a save the date.

Clothing

I already mentioned on Girly Jock that I've found my wedding dress. It's here. It's perfect. But it's extra perfect because the beading is actually a sash. Which means that when BK and I visit his parents for Christmas, I'll be able to take the sash with me. I know that it sounds really stupid, but 1. BK and I are driving, so no I'm less worried about it getting lost/wrecked, and 2. BK's parents have a neighbor who used to make veils professionally. And BK's mom offered to trade her free babysitting if she comes with us and teaches me how to make veils. So I'll be able to custom-make my veil, which makes me really really happy.

Beyond my clothes, I did have to worry about the bridal party's clothes. Initially I'd made everyone pick between yellow and green, then told them that they could pick whatever dress they wanted from JCrew's web site, provided it came in the specified color. The problem with that was that all the dresses on JCrew's web site looked kind of the same to me, some of the bridesmaids balked at the idea of buying something that they wouldn't be able to try on, and there would be no guarantee that the colors would match each other. Also, BK thought it'd look a little rag-tag, especially if there were two different colors, but none of the shades exactly matched.

The problem was that the bridesmaids all have different body types, and I'm not used to picking out dresses for other people (I showed Jeno a dress I thought was cute, and she said "I'll wear it if you make me, but it'll look hideous on me"). And I really, really wanted to find a color that everyone could wear, and if they didn't match each other perfectly, it wouldn't bother me at all. So I decided that if I found a color that everyone liked, they could pick out their own dresses, provided they used the same manufacturer. At first I thought black would work, as almost everyone has a little black dress, and it's fairly flattering. But my mom and my sister both went "THAT'S A FUNERAL COLOR", so I dropped that idea.

Now I should point out that I have 6 bridesmaids in 5-6 states. So I can't just go to a local bridal store with them. Unfortunately, the biggest chain in the wedding industry is David's Bridal (I've heard horrible things about that store). However, I did find a great color that everyone in the bridal party loves (or is just keeping quiet about how much they hate it): my Maid of Honor was on the phone with me when she found it and went "oohh, pretty"; BK's sister went "yay I don't have to worry about having to wear the same style of dress as your sisters, cause we're not the same body type"; Jeno was happy about it; and my sisters picked out their dresses in 5 minutes.

For shoes, I'm being as demanding as the dresses: I've asked for silver strappy shoes. If the bridesmaids want to wear flats, they can either go with the gladiator-style sandals that seem so popular, or ballet flats. I don't care if the shoes match perfectly or not. Frankly, I feel that if people are judging the wedding based on the bridesmaids' shoes, they shouldn't have come to the wedding (no offense to anyone in my bridal party). I'm also happy, because again, everyone seems pleased with that decision.

Sweet Relief/guest list angst

The reception site and the church are both booked. Meaning that I no longer need to think about anything until late June, and that from here on out, it's pretty much all details. And most of those details are working themselves out: I tend to do my best work when I put things in the back of my mind, and let it chill there. Eventually a great idea comes out when I least expect it.

I'm still deciding on the guest list. I'd like to give my siblings each an invite, so that they have someone else there, besides their date (to minimize any awkwardness of having their S.O.s meet our family) but at the same time, I'd prefer it if I knew and liked everyone there, and I don't know many of their friends. Plus, right now, none of MY friends are on the list (family and close family friends and two sorority sisters who are in the bridal party), although BK's got some friends listed, and some of those friends may or may not be dating some of my friends (I'm really hoping they are, and will be together for the wedding). But I'm also friends with large groups of people, and if I invite one person, I'd feel like I have to invite all 6 or 7 (plus dates).

Now, this isn't the case for all of my friends: there are at least 3 that I can invite without really making anyone else upset, but that's not a very proportionate number of friends I had: my sorority was fairly close-knit, so I was pretty much friends with everybody from my class to the girls who were just initiated when I graduated, and BK was friends with most of the girls in the class above me, so between the two of us, there's a case to be made for all 80-90 girls in my sorority, and a similar case to be made for about 50 or 60 of his fraternity brothers (maybe more).

What BK and I are thinking about doing is making a secondary "B" list that would be made up of people who would most likely be willing to go to the wedding and be available on that day. Since our guest list covers the people in my area that I want to invite, depending on the guest list, it'd be possible to give my siblings invitations as they become available. However, I'm still not entirely comfortable with the concept of a "B" list, as it just seems wrong to rank people.

Update: I changed the guest list to reflect the 3-4 friends I really couldn't picture the wedding without, and tonight I'm going to ask BK to do the same, at which point we'll send the list to our parents for any additions. I'm still not sure about a "B" list, as we really only guaranteed the minimum to book the room, so we won't need to invite more people than the guest list, but I don't want my siblings or their S.Os to feel awkward.

Fun Stuff

Okay, I definitely feel like I've started this blog super-far in advance, so after this, it'll be workouts, thoughts about different products, and random ranting, for at least 6 months.





But a week or so ago, I was running through the knot's checklist, and it occurred to me to add some aspects of my Irish-ness into the wedding. Nothing too big, but enough to match the invitations I found with a claddagh symbol (unfortunately, I didn't bookmark the page, and it's buried in my e-mails, but they look similar to these).





So I've decided to have the bouquets include white and yellow daisies (my favorite), lavender (it smells so good, and it used to be a symbol of love and devotion), Bell's of Ireland (also smell good), and a sprig of rosemary (to remember loved ones who have passed away). I'm also hoping to add a horseshoe (carried like a U, so that the luck never runs out).





I also found a cake topper that I love:

And both BK's parents and mine are both on board with the idea. So my optimism and excitement about the wedding drastically increased. :)

Body-Image Struggles

I'm having issues dealing with the whole "bride to be" thing. (the negotiation post will wait, as I need to let some crazy out) Some of it stems from refusing to let go of my sanity enough to buy into the fact that this is my "big day" and I'll never be this important ever again, mainly because I KNOW I'll be way more important when I hold BK's children hostage in my uterus for 9 months.

Seriously though, the whole wedding industry caters to women who grew up planning their weddings, not their future careers (mine was a lawyer/spy. The lawyer part didn't pan out. Neither did the spy part, although I'm still hoping on that one.), and even if they didn't they wanted to get married. Except I didn't. Not in the sense that I needed to be married to BK to feel complete. Which is not to say that I'm thrilled to be marrying him: I am. Just that it wasn't necessary for me to be happy.

Which is why, when someone tells me that they got a celebrity makeup artist for their big day, I think "you could have spent a couple hundred on brushes and makeup, maybe take a class on applying it, and when the day's over, STILL BE ABLE TO LOOK THAT AWESOME. Because you have the makeup, brushes, and knowledge". Plus, celebrity makeup artists usually cost more than a couple hundred. Although I get the whole someone else doing your hair thing: it's less stressful, plus someone's touching your head, which is one of the more relaxing things out there.

In addition to that, I'm having issues with the fact that there will be no huge transformation. I mean, every Disney movie, romantic comedy and infomercial I've ever seen has told me that I'm screwed without a big transformation. But I don't have tons of weight to lose, I'm not already a mermaid (so turning into one could complicate the wedding night), don't have a stepmother trying to kill me or stop the wedding, and I've got decent muscle definition.

And it's hard for me to realize that I'm not going to look that much more amazing than I do now. Although, as I keep reminding myself, that's the point: I don't want to be that bride who starves, exercises, teeth whitens and tans herself into her wedding dress, while spending way more than necessary on everything. I want BK always think that I look the way I did on our wedding day, even if that means setting the bar low (by Disney standards).

Reception Site Savvy

Over the weekend, BK and I (and my parents), looked at a bunch of reception sites. And we found one that we both like, and are deciding between the two areas at the site. Now, in this economy, we believe that we have the upper hand, especially because we are booking so far in advance (you can also get a "deal" if you book a month or so before the date, because the reception site wants to fill that empty room, but you'd need nerves of steel and a great backup plan to do so). But beyond booking in advance, we have other things working in our favor:

The month. While August is in the May-September peak of wedding season, it's also not that popular a month, because of the heat. Further, any date outside of those months (Besides Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day) will be discounted.

The Day. We picked a Sunday. However, any day of the week other than Saturday would warrant a break, price-wise.

The Guest List. At this particular reception site, there's a larger room (which is the nicest room we've seen), and a smaller room (which is almost as nice, and by far much nicer than the other places we looked at). Now, we have just enough on the guest list to get into the bigger room, but we also have enough to fill the smaller room. If we pick the smaller room, it will mean that we'd guarantee less than the 150 we'd be expected to guarantee for the bigger room, and that there would be fewer people on our "B" list who would get an invitation (I hate that we have a "B" list, but BK and I are more popular than I'd thought, and without separating the two lists, we'd have to invite over 200 people, which neither of us wants to do).

Further, the salesperson didn't want to show us the smaller room, and even pointed out its flaws when he finally showed it to us, so we think that he believes that we'll be the biggest party that day (the more people at an event, the bigger the profit). Assuming that he makes a commission on the sites, it's in his best interest to come down a bit on the price for the bigger room than it'd be refuse to do so, only to have us book in the smaller room (where there would be fewer people in a room that's less costly per plate, meaning that he gets a smaller commission). And that's not taking the economy, and the idea that there will be fewer large wedding next year into consideration.

I've got some phone calls to make (to people married at the reception site before, and a family friend who happens to be a wedding planner), so I'll end this post here. On Thursday, I'll talk a bit about how to negotiate a lower price than the quoted one.

How to Keep Your Sanity

Since getting engaged, it's been tough to avoid all the ads telling me that I need to lose weight in order to have the perfect wedding. And it's especially tough because I know that my own workouts don't really fit the minimum to be considered that I'm actually doing something for my health. I usually work out for 90 minutes, twice a week. And a lot of the minimal workouts stem from the fact that I gave up sweets for Lent, and because of that, I've been eating more fruits and vegetables, and been fuller on less calories (part of my slide into ED started when I decided it was time to start eating healthy, and replaced junk food with fruits. Healthy, yes, but calorically, I needed more to exercise, and didn't realize it), but I haven't hit the magic caloric number that means that it's okay for me to exercise more frequently.

But I do have several strategies in place to make sure that I don't end up crash dieting and/or overtraining (because I'm not going to remain in this healthy but too little to exercise state forever), and because weddings aren't the only major events, I thought I'd share my strategies.

1. Set Rules. Relatively far in advance, get a pen and paper and make a list of all the things you want to do to get ready for the event (teeth whitening, work out 5 times a week for 60 minutes a session, eat 5 servings of fruits/vegetables). One rule: you cannot expressy say "lose weight" unless there is a specific amount you want to lose, you'll be at a healthy weight after the loss, and you can reach the weight safely (also, weigh yourself before making the goal).
2. Add the Rules into Your Life Slowly. I've got a list of 25 things I want to add into my life before walking down the aisle. So far, 6 of them have been added. Meaning that I've managed to incorporate them into my life. For example, using the 3 examples above, you can say that eating 5 servings of fruits and vegetables and working out 5 times a week are the two that you should get started on fairly far in advance. So the first few weeks, you aim to work out twice a week and eat 3 servings of fruits and vegetables. Once you get used to that, you can increase the amount of times you go to the gym, and the amount of fruit you eat.
3. Get a Sanity Buddy. A friend of mine is getting married a month and a half before me. And while we sometimes bounce ideas off each other, we also make sure that the other isn't going crazy, or setting herself up to go crazy by ignoring physical activity now (and yes, she is aware that I'm not doing my best effort at working out, but understands why I'm not, and approves of it, as she saw the ED-tricia).
4. Think Long-Term. I know that sometimes this is the hardest one. But when BK sees me walking down the aisle, I don't want him thinking that it'll be downhill from here. I want to continue to look my best, so that he always feels like the luckiest guy in the world. For me, getting married means that I'm spending the rest of my life with someone, and that someone deserves a healthy partner. But I'm also aware that if I follow the guidelines I've set for myself to get ready for the weddng, I will look my best (at least that's the theory). So if I follow those guidelines after the wedding (within reason, some of the rules involove unhealthy things like allowing my skin to get tan, instead of wearing sunsceen and reapplying frequently), I'll continue to look my best, making future events (friends' weddings, reunions, holidays) stress-free.